Hi all,
I hope you’re all well.
I thought I’d write a bit about language as I think it’s important. You might have noticed a small difference in the language we use on HPNB compared to other Post-Natal websites.
See, I struggle with a lot of the language that’s being used when it comes to Pre- and Post-Natal experiences. Maybe it’s just me, but it really bothers me when a Post-natal professional says things like “Hey mamas!” when they enter a room. It bothers me even more when industry “experts” say “the most important thing is that I’m a mum, like you!”. It really, REALLY is nowhere near most important thing. The most important thing about them is not “that they’re mamas”, it’s that they’re experts.
One of the issues I have with this language is that it puts the woman last. Most of my post-natal clients are successful, smart, funny, kind, well educated women.
One of the “experts” on Post-Natal exercise once literally gave the following advice in a blog post to Personal Trainers who want to get more Post-Natal clients.
“The minute that a new Mom walks in the door, tell her that she looks fantastic. Do this every time you see her, even if she’s sleep deprived, hasn’t showered for days, is covered in baby puke, and couldn’t find anything to wear because nothing fits anymore.”
As I said language matters and the above just makes me want to scream. I really just have one reaction when I re-read the blue highlighted paragraph.
I did say the language at HPNB is different, right?
I can honestly say that none of my clients who are sleep deprived, stink to high heaven because they haven’t showered in days and are covered in baby vom, are looking for me to compliment them on their looks. What they want is to blast through the session, have a shower, a cup of coffee and some peace and quiet. You know; to feel human again. As an aside; none of my Post-Natal clients have ever come to me after several days of not having a shower, really not a single one.
I firmly believe that the main reason Post-Natal exercise advice, and the availability of it, is so poor is because women place themselves last as soon as they give birth. And society encourages them to do so. The baby goes to the top of the tree, understandably. Their partner is often Nr2. The job is Nr3. The household goes to Nr4 and, finally, “mommy” goes to wherever she can find a space. The intelligent, dynamic, ambitious and funny woman who fell pregnant is now just “mommy”. And that is how post-natal professionals, including people writing on forums and blogs, address her from now on. See how her identity has now completely changed?
Add on to this that pregnancy and giving birth is quite traumatic on the body, as is a lot of Post-Natal stuff BTW, and chances are that “mommy” is not feeling 100% about it all but is “expected to just be mommy from now on”, or at least for a while. So her body now feels foreign and isn’t working the way it should be. Her posture is terrible, she constantly has aches and pains, she hasn’t had a decent night sleep in a while, her belly looks like she’s 4 months pregnant and she pees herself whenever she laughs too hard. But that’s OK because “she’s done something amazing and given birth” and “she’s soo lucky to have a beautiful child”, right?
We expect women to go back into the work place after maternity leave and function at a top-level when their confidence is shot to shit. We want women in the boardrooms, we want women in the top jobs, we want women to be earning the same as their male colleagues but do you have any idea how hard it is to go for a promotion or ask for a pay-rise when you are not confident? And how confident can you be when you pee when you sneeze?
How can we expect daughters to grow up confident and strong when their immediate role-models are anything but? And how can a woman be confident and strong when she is not feeling physically right and her identity has been stripped down to “mommy”?
In all my years as a Post-Natal PT the main thing my clients have thanked me for is giving them their confidence back. Not just their “body-confidence” but their overall confidence, they realize they are still bad-ass. They are not “mommies who lift”; they are complex, rounded human beings, who also happen to be amazing moms (and who don’t pee themselves anymore.)
Does anybody really love stuff like this?
So I don’t start every post with “Hey mama, you’re amazing”, usually it’s just a “Hey all”. I won’t call anyone a “Magical Unicorn Goddess” or anything like that. I’ll just treat you as a human being and not reduce you to just one facet. Don’t take it personally, I do this with everyone.
Take care,
Peter
